You can be a Zombie Too.

"You can be a Zombie Too."

I seriously have been wondering lately if the idea behind "the zombie" was inspired by people when they get colds.  I mean think about it, your tastebuds go wacko, your thinking becomes fuzzy (its just a struggle to even type this), you become moody and irrational, you can't walk right, you feel dizzy and confused, and most of all you feel weak.  Your hearing gets intensified and your alertness goes to 0 - all the qualities of being a friggin zombie.  So in all seriousness, do you think thats where the idea behind "the zombie" came from?  People when they're sick?

(note to self: im probably going to re-read this when I'm better and I dont feel like a walking corpse and I'm going to think im probably batshit crazy)...

I apologize to anyone reading this who thinks I'm just flat out insane, I would glad to agree when I get better haha.  

List of ridiculous ways to die

List of ridiculous ways to die
by: Alex Poulos

1. Blender to the face
2. Flying Tire to (any part of the body)
3. Running into a lightpost (on foot)
4. Climbing a fence
5. In a voting booth
6. Overdose of Gummy Bears (or any gummi)
7. Boot to the head
8. Flying Trashcan
9. Towel Snap
10. Death from Seatbelt
11. Death from airbag
12. Death from fast closet door
13. Death from elevator door
14. Eating a sock monkey
15. Eating any kind of fabric
16. Coka-Cola poisoning
17. Laughing
18. Guitar Case
19. Television falling over
20. Airborne radio
21. So happens you cross a bomb shell dud.
22. Book to the face
23. Speaker mis-wiring
24. A wall outlet
25. Sneezing and burping at the same time
26. Camera flash to heart attack
27. strangled by iPod charger
28. Golf Cart
29. Trampled on Black Friday (I am sorry that it actually happened)
30. Death from electrocution of Toaster
31. Stare down with Sarah Palin
32. Stealing Lucky Charms from a grocery store
33. Hit with a car driven by a midget or dwarf.
34. Attempting to get your shoes from an electric wire on a rainy day
35. Ladder down a Manhole
36. Sliding off of a roof
37. Misfiring of an arrow

anyone wanna pitch in?

"Within the sound of silence."

 "In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence." - Simon & Garfunkel "Sound of Silence"

I've got so much that I could say but I don't really know how to say it.
I'm trying to think of what I could be telling you with all this space for text, but nothing really comes to my mind. 
My school work is doing moderate.  I could be doing much better, but then I could also be doing much worse.  So either way, I'm trying to accomplish one and prevent another.
I've been wondering about all my buddies who went to boot camp around the beginning of Summer.  Some of the people who went were really dear to my heart friends.  Sure we had our fights, and I lost some trust in them, but honestly, I'm worried about them...
I want to know how they're doing.

I have no clue why but all I have ringing in my head are the lyrics that I remember of that song "Sound Of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel.  "Hello Darkness my old friend.  I've come to talk to you again..."
It's almost eerie.  Something that gives me a feeling of chill.
I don't understand how it fits but it does. 

D.O.S. - Death Of Stress

Death Of Stress


I'm through with stupid Internet drama.  If you really want to know, with my hair and a few insults I feel like I've been detoxed and retouched.  So for the record, if you want to throw some stupid shit at me, go ahead, I'm probably going to just take it and break it like a weak broomstick.  I'm Alex The Fall Out Boy, you can't strip me of my title/identity. 

"This is Death Of Autotune-Moment of silence"
"la da da da, he-ey-ey, goodbye..."

Gah. Sundays are like the new Mondays, except one has a reputation for being more liked than the other.

Its been a while since I've spoken to you, don't worry, we are still on good terms, I've been too busy trying to keep up with life as it comes.

Welcome To The New Déjà vu

"Reduplicative paramnesia:
the delusional belief that a place or location has been duplicated, existing in two or more places simultaneously, or that it has been 'relocated' to another site. It is one of the delusional misidentification syndromes and, although rare, is most commonly associated with acquired brain injury, particularly simultaneous damage to the right cerebral hemisphere and to both frontal lobes."

"If I woke up next to you."

"let the bad habits you couldn't bare to keep, out of the woods but I love,
a tree I used to lay beneath kissed teeth stained red, from a sour bottle baby girl with eyes the size of baby worlds."

I love every fault that I have; every single stain in the wood; every single wrong brush in the metal.  It makes me "me".  I wish that sometimes I could follow this.  But sometimes my mind gets so foggy with worrying about stupid things, and things that haven't even happened yet.  Part of it is controllable, another part is really hard for me to control.  I need a spot where I can sit and count the stars and feel close to the moon, I don't need a sunshine to keep my spirits high; I need is to sit still and tell myself I'm going to be okay, like a little kid laying in his bed wanting all the monsters under it to go away.
I can picture myself hugging the moon goodnight like a moth does to a lightbulb, and feeling secure in my own skin.

--I'm glad I have you in my life.  Even the small smiley faces on digital screens you send to me makes me feel like I'm wanted.  

I mean i was hallucinating and everything after taking the 2 meds. I was tired then mixed w/ the meds i felt like i was hallucinating...

Am i the only one who has like weird thoughts when im tired/drowsy, sometimes i hear weird shit in my head. Sometimes I get afraid that I'm going insane... :C

You know what? I actually do like Panic! At The Disco's ''New Perspective'' its actually pretty good.

"I'll be stuck fixated on one star, when the world is crashing down."

It's really hard sometimes having friends who are girls, like sometimes how girls don't like having friends who are guys, because I hate getting text messages with the phrase "hey babe" from girls who are only friends.  I don't cheat, I haven't ever cheated, I don't plan on it.  I am trying to stray away from being anything near the average guy.  I want to be seen as an individual, not as "just a guy", because I'm not some jerk who is going to screw someone over.  There has been times where I've been like "just a guy" but I'm not the type to do it frequently.  Not at all...

Theres nothing more scarier than sitting in a dark parking lot and assuming that the lady next to me is a crack head.

Have you ever seen someone ride their bike and smoke a cigarette? Me neither. Boy wldnt i like to know how that works out.

It's always when I feel something for someone that I have a hard time
feeling happy for myself. I always worry about me being like all the
other guys out there and being interested for the wrong reasons. Sure,
it's happened, but I try to stray from being just another prick of a
guy... Sometimes, I even get scared of becoming like that... I get
worried, to the point of me feeling sick to my stomach. I just want to
be a good guy, not some scum who looks for the reasons to get into
pants and sheets.

I know love grows, and I know that things develop over time, which is
what I have to tell myself. After all, no one liked Davinci's work
until he died. Love grows for something or someone over the time it is
given. No matter the beginning feelings.

"Things Never Are As Bad As They Seem"

"dream, when you're feeling blue.  Dream, that's the thing to do.  Dream while the smoke rings rise in the air, you'll find your share of memories there, so, dream, when the day is through.  Dream, and they might come true."

I will always sit back and watch the tides flow in, and out.  Like a serene sunset off the coast of some unnamed island, sitting there, listening to every crashing wave, and the sound they make as they go back out.  I love every bit of this.  I can dream for hours on end, thinking, how nice it would be, to be sitting there, with a 50's classic minuet or a song singing in harmony, with my eyes to the water, and there being hundreds and hundreds of letters in bottles.  And every single bottle; every single letter, being a letter from all the people who love me, with my response on them watching them float back to the other side of the sea, knowing they will be seen and everyone will know that I am in good health and I am in good mindset.

I wish that the island would be something so beautiful, that it would be mid-day all day.  Something so fictitious, but something so desired.  Oh how I wish that I could be there for a minute, maybe 7.  I want to climb into my chair and sit back and watch all the letters float back, then suddenly, everyone appears right before my eyes.  Standing beside me.  Holding me tightly, as a photographer flashes the camera. 

I wish for these moments.. ever so much..

"They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers, In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers"

"They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers
In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers"

I can't think straight like I used to.  My mind is a jumble, like a deck of cards after a perfectly horrid shuffle.  Call me on all my bluffs, this is a poker face I can't keep straight.  But in the next left the doorway has only a knob like steel tacks with imprints of my used to be face.
The school work is piling high, I often wonder how Health Teachers come about spamming their work onto my doorstep.  I seriously think they have their assignments on a clothes-pin trigger, that goes off at the slip of a nail or a fingertip.

I wonder how I survive.
an 18 year old on the second phase to being nowhere.
Let's throw in a round of applause.

I hate having parents that care. Sometimes i wish they'd only care about my needs, not what im doing and not doing. It would make things easier all around.

"The world is yours, so play the role."

The days never seem to be long enough when they should be, and never short enough when you need them to be.  If I was Atlas I'd slow the world down a tad so I could enjoy my days.  Like a record when you slide your finger across the side of the wheel making the record shutter and pause.

They say that Time is a perception, which is more believable than the hands on the Grandfather clock in everyone's dining room.  Like a lose bolt or a screw; I'm unwound at the idea of a paradise without a limit.

But then again, who isn't...?

There's a glow in my eyes, but more a black light than a flashlight, I may not be able to light up the dark the way the average could but I see every move and beat your heart makes.
I think that's good enough.

Ive come to see that I apologize too much about small things, But if the world were full of small things how could we tell what was worth apologizing for?

If i ever do onto someone i care about, something bad, i cant forgive myself as easy as some can say ''its alright'' it just doesnt seem to happen that way.

These memories we make, they are us. Like hourglasses with liquid
crystals inside, they are once in a lifetime. I wouldn't sell a single
one. Not even the ones of Fool's Gold. I make them for all to enjoy,
to learn, to feel.

My dear.
And may you share this crystal with me.
For I will be here to give you my memories like ships in a bay.

Where The Wild Things Are.

I had a great night.  I went and had the nostalgia of a lifetime, with a few twists of plot, over the movie Where The Wild Things Are.  It's not a kid's movie, it's a movie about kids.  Christina and I went to see it at  the mall, great theater, and a great time.  There was practically no one in the theater, or atleast not when we saw it.  But there was a section we originally sat in that was reserved for a massive amount of a family/kids. 
I had no idea that you could reserve movie seats (rows) until this day.
Totally changed my view of how the name of the game is "first come, first serve".

A is in Angst not Amazing

I hate being an 18 year old and still being restricted by all the
parental powers the world has. Sure I'm glad that i'm not a fucking
church boy, but I'm not a happy person with my family. I feel like my
Grandma has it the most right. She seems to pay me the most attention,
as well as my grandpa.

I love my mom but at the same time, we never have a good
understanding. I need to give my grandma more credit for the times
she's put up with me on numerous occasions. Ive thought to my self how
it would feel to be living with my grandparents for a while. They
provide for me alot. I don't like asking for things...I feel
guilty...like a thief who got caught and the victim finding out it was
the neighbor.

The Axis Of The Wheel Of Life

What is this world without hate?
What is this world without love?

The two polar opposites so where does that leave the world without its balance?
Madness my friend.  Madness.

Bedknobs to Brackets.

Today I got my blockers on my back molars taken off, i like the feeling of not having something on my back teeth anymore, but now it feels like i cant even close my jaw all the way, because the front teeth clash with the brackets on the front.  I would try harder but I'm a little too chicken to want to chip my teeth.  Sometimes I wonder if these guys know what their doing, actually, it tends to feel like I'm just a test subject in their little experiment of trying to "fix" my teeth. 

If I wasn't sane still and had a little more marbles lost, I might have tried to peel the brackets off myself.  What I don't understand is why would they take something off if it was the only way to keep my teeth safe from the braces?  Maybe I should've considered Invisalign more.  Sure they take longer to fix, but at the same time, look what type of pain im in with these metal monsters/mines on my teeth.  I don't like feeling like my mouth is a road and each tooth is a blockade trying to stop you from going further without showing I.D.

Just how I want to feel before going to the movie on Friday...
Like I can't close my mouth.
Thanks Dr. __________
really make this easy on me.

By the way, it rains more here than an abandoned cloud does when it's lonely. Go figure.

These school days depress me, i think part of it is because im away from my own room, My own space. I dont mind leaving-its the extended period of presence.

Take 2 then sleep.

I've seen this happen too many times where I could just cry all the way through the night.  I don't have any place to go sometimes, and hiding from myself is lying to myself.

In the end, there isn't a whole lot I can really count on.

Think about it like Alice In Wonderland.  Even though the Cheshire was helpful, she never could trust him to do the right thing(s). 

Somewhere I can see that these 'Eat Me"s are only taking away the pain until I wake up the next morning.  Some even get addicted but I'm not that close to my prescription bottles to trust them with my life.  It's only once in a while that I need an a(tivan)mbience to take away my troubles.

This is where the new story begins and the old one ends.  From now on you will be picking up the pieces from where I am writing now, instead of dragging them along

Who knows. Maybe something good will come of this in the end.  Maybe there's really no senselessness to it.
We'll just see how things work out.


For now. I would like to use this to recollect my mind and my energy.